Rain Storms

It's raining right now. Pouring, actually, and my umbrella is ill equipped to handle the storm. Do I just ditch the umbrella and get completely soaked and hope I don't get sick? Or do I cling to my umbrella and try to remain as dry as possible?

Part of me wants to just ditch the umbrella - sure, my hair and outfit will get soaked. My mascara will probably run. My phone might be ruined if I let the downpour permeate my thin, not at all rain-worthy, fall jacket. But those are just things, right? Just things. Nothing of real importance. Besides, I will dry and the rain feels so good on my skin and it is so freeing to be in the rain.

The other part of me wants to hold on as tight as I can to the umbrella, and pull as much of my body as I can underneath it, hoping to stay dry. After all, I spent an hour getting ready this morning - this dress is new, and my hair will turn into even more of a curly mess if I let the rain get at it. Why would I throw away all the work I put in before breakfast on some rain? If I get wet, I'm going to drag the water into work with me - across my floor, into my office, in my chair. My clothes won't dry until lunch time - and there are few things more unpleasant than cold, damp clothes. I'll probably end up getting sick too.

I'm teetering in the place between shabby but sufficient umbrella coverage, and letting the rain drown me like a rat. Being without the umbrella scares me. Everything I've worked for will go out the window...and yet clinging to the umbrella scares me too because I will never know the feeling of the rain on my skin and the freedom in getting completely, 100% drenched in the downpour. Which of those two scenarios is worse? Never drying up again, or never getting wet?


This is what my life feels like right now. I'm a constantly perched on a ledge between barely making it through, and falling. So much is going on, I feel like I'm in a tailspin to catch up with myself. I am scared to get soaked, but I also don't want to not get soaked incase I'm missing out on something.

Clear as mud, right? Ya, I know - trust me, I know! I guess that's what's magical about our emotions - they can be intense, powerful, painful, wonderful, clear, confusing, energizing and exhausting all at once. I just wish there was some kind of roadmap to direct me out of this maze of all things confusing, and into some territory I recognize and stand a chance at figuring my way through - but I suppose that's part of life, isn't it? It wouldn't be any fun if we didn't have to work hard for the good things.

Where is my magic 8-ball when I need it? I could really use a decision maker these days!